Monday, April 29, 2013

Missing My 6 O'Clock Baby (And Mommy...)

Dear Caitlin,
     Five weeks came and went.  I anticipated it for many months and now it is over and in its place are so many memories that I will hold in my heart forever.

I came early and complained often about the weather.  And I'm not gonna lie, I still don't have fond memories of the weather, but I suppose I will look at it as a part of the overall experience.  I'm not sorry that I came early, although Holli decided to come one day past her exact due date.  I'm not sorry because I got to spend those two weeks with you as my only daughter before you became a mother, yourself.  I got to talk with you, laugh with you and anticipate with you the arrival of your first child.  And now...I find myself missing the TWO of you even more than I could ever imagine.

One of the things I miss most is the little "6 O'clock Routine" we had gotten into before I left.  You would feed Holli during the night, but then at 6 O'clock in the morning I would look forward to you bringing her into my room, where I told her all of the secrets of life and then tucked her snugly into the blanket that I had knitted for her, laid her beside me and we both went back to sleep...

I got to be there for a lot of "Firsts", but realize now that I will most likely miss more of them than I get to participate it goes when we are so far apart.  That, however, will not make those "firsts" any less significant in my eyes as a YaYa...

This was on the day of your "first" doctor's appointment.  In two weeks time you  had already gained about a pound in weight and a half an inch in length.  We went out to lunch afterwards and then shopping and here we are in a little coffee shop, where Mommy and I had coffee...and you had milk!

The night before I left was filled with packing my bags, staying up late to watch one last movie with you and getting as many hugs and kisses from Holli as possible.  I knew that the next morning I would not be able to have my "6 O'clock Baby" time; I would, sadly be at the airport by then.  And so, I decided to leave you a message on the refrigerator for when you returned from dropping me off...

And so, now, I find myself waiting for the next text message that might have a picture of Holli or our Skype dates, where I can hear her little grunts and cries and see how much she has grown in this very short time...

Awww...This sad little text message was the first one you sent while I was still at the airport waiting to fly home.  You said that Holli was sad that YaYa was leaving too.

And this is the sweet picture that I took just before we left for the airport; everyone seems to think she looks just like a baby doll here.

"Sleeping Beauty"

Oh My, Holli...How you have already grown!  Look at those chubby cheeks; I sure wish I could reach through this screen and kiss them!

Skype...What can I saw about this technological invention?!  Except that I LOVE it!  I like to think that you recognize my face and voice.

No, I'm not gonna lie; this is difficult.  Difficult being so far away from the both of you.  Constantly being in a "waiting state"; waiting for a text message, a phone call, a Skype date, a visit.  But I ANXIOUSLY await these things.  I anticipate the moment that we can get together so I can soak up every new memory.  I miss you both terribly and I can barely wait until we see each other again (here in the SOUTH!)

   Remember that a baby might hold your hand right now, but they will hold you heart forever...

      OR...If you're very fortunate, like me, they will hold your hand AND heart for a LIFETIME!

Loving you girls and missing you terribly!